PetardCast, Episode #13

PetardCast, Episode #13

28

Mar

2011

Like sands through an hourglass that takes two weeks to work, so go the days of the PetardCast.  Episode #13, which we're hoping will be merely the most hilarious one yet and not the harbinger of a horrible triskaidekaphobic curse which causes everyone who listens to it to die of liquefied bowel syndrome, is up and ready f ...
MORE...

Have an Opinion: Who’s Up for Some Shared Sacrifice?

Have an Opinion:  Who’s Up for Some Shared Sacrifice?

27

Mar

2011

So, here is something you might want to consider the next time someone tells you about how times are tight, and there's a need for "shared sacrifice", and we need to get rid of "entitlements" like Medicare, unemployment extensions, and Social Security hikes.  It's something you might want to remember the next time someone ...
MORE...

B-List: Music Has the Right to Chide You

B-List:  Music Has the Right to Chide You

24

Mar

2011

THINGS YOU CAN DO TO JANIS JOPLIN'S HEARTTake itBreak itHave itTHINGS IT IS NOT CLEAR WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAN DO TO JANIS JOPLIN'S HEARTShake itBake itTHINGS YOU CAN'T DO TO JANIS JOPLIN'S HEARTMake it start beating again after a fatal heroin overdoseELEMENTS OF KE$H ...
MORE...

1000 Flavors of Heavy: Standing on Ceremony

1000 Flavors of Heavy: Standing on Ceremony

24

Mar

2011

If there even has been an example of not judging a book by its cover, Blood Ceremony is it.  When their self-titled debut LP showed up in my mailbox back in 2008, I didn’t exactly look forward to listening:  bad cover art, generic name rendered in a sloppy font, uninspiring doom-metal song titles for a ...
MORE...

The Sandwich Century – #6: The Bologna Sandwich

The Sandwich Century – #6:  The Bologna Sandwich

22

Mar

2011

Note:  due to some ingredient acquisition issues, the Sandwich Century project is going to go off-book as far as alphabetic order for a week or so.  We'll try and set things right by the next entry.There are certain things that come to possess an iconic status not because of any inherent superior qualities they possess, b ...
MORE...

Where Comedy Goes to Die: WIN-tervention!

Where Comedy Goes to Die:  WIN-tervention!

21

Mar

2011

In the interests of fairness, and to placate those who felt yesterday's column was a bit unfair, today we're going to discuss America's favorite hobby:  dropping bombs on Middle Eastern countries.  While it's sometimes proven slightly controversial -- although not so controversial that pretty much every post-war president ...
MORE...

Have an Opinion: Bombshell Diplomacy

Have an Opinion:  Bombshell Diplomacy

20

Mar

2011

Poor President Obama did his best to avoid bombing a Middle Eastern country, but when he fell off the wagon, he fell off it hard.Sending in the Navy cruisers and the fighter jets represents the laziest, most thoughtless form of response to any kind of diplomatic crisis; it's what you do when you haven't got any other ideas. ...
MORE...

Where Comedy Goes to Die: MTV’s Cribs, Suge Knight Edition

Where Comedy Goes to Die:  MTV’s <i>Cribs</i>, Suge Knight Edition

19

Mar

2011

SU-CHIN PAK: Welcome back to MTV Cribs, where we're lucky enough to have hooked up with big Suge Knight.  He's been gracious enough to let us join him in the large Las Vegas mansion he's returned to after spending a bid in the...SUGE KNIGHT: Hey.  You see that nigga?S-CP: MORE...

B-List: Our Missing Porn Culture

B-List:  Our Missing Porn Culture

17

Mar

2011

Most recent developments in pornography have left me feeling distinctly like a grouchy old coot who wants the darn kids to stop xxxtreme-fucking on his lawn.  Bukkake, dick-spitting, and the overall trend of casting people who don't seem to even like each other, let alone want to have sex with each other, all leave me cold ...
MORE...

The Most Beautiful Fraud: Key Largo

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>Key Largo</i>

16

Mar

2011

Key Largo, as can be sniffed out from its somewhat stagey, cramped qualities, had its origins as a stage play.  It bears little resemblance to the original product -- a bit of a surprise since Maxwell Anderson was, at the time, an extremely popular playwright and a go-to source for Hollywood -- but it still comes across as ...
MORE...

Lots o’ Soda: Lime Crush

Lots o’ Soda:  Lime Crush

15

Mar

2011

The problem with so many citrus sodas, says the guy who is all of the sudden Mr. Big Expert on carbonated drinks, is that they interpret the citrus taste as sweet rather than tart.  This is the case with basically all lemon-lime sodas, which favor 'crisp' (sugary) and 'clean' (flavorless) instead of the tangy quality that ...
MORE...

The Sandwich Century: #5 – The Bánh Mì Sandwich

The Sandwich Century:  #5 – The Bánh Mì Sandwich

15

Mar

2011

It was bound to happen:  the Sandwich Century project has run head-on into the grim reality of living in San Antonio.  Oh, sure, we're a 21st-century burg, and we have our share of Asians contending for their share of the Frito pie while Germans and Mexicans fight it out for ethnic supremacy.  But as I learned when the t ...
MORE...

PetardCast, Episode #12

PetardCast, Episode #12

13

Mar

2011

They thought they could kill us.  The Sick Man of Internet, they called us.  Yes, here they came to kill the PetardCast, but we ain't gonna die!  After a month of recovery from an illness so grave that it actually killed people who only had to hear about it, the PetardCast is back with its dozenth episode, and it's so cr ...
MORE...

B List: It Was Bingoer Last Year

B List:  It Was Bingoer Last Year

12

Mar

2011

This joke has been cribbed about a million times recently, but I originally wrote it -- with some assists from Angie Epley (center square) and Whitney Pastorek (B-6) -- in 2007, so I'm claiming credit for the original idea.  Plus, mine is funnier.  Prove me wrong, internet.It's time once again for everyone's favorite fun ...
MORE...

Have An Opinion: The Great Upper-Class Swindle

Have An Opinion:  The Great Upper-Class Swindle

11

Mar

2011

It is a sign of the confidence -- indeed, the audaciousness -- of the current conservative movement that they are making real headway in an attempt to strangle the union movement, already gravely wounded, once and for all.  It was Reagan who dealt the unions their first critical blow beginning with the PATCO strike, and Cl ...
MORE...
Page 1 of 212