UNSUCCESSFUL DOG BREEDS 1. Comptonian Malamute 2. East German Shepherd 3. Melancholy Dane 4. Rhodesian Racist 5. Wireless Terrier WORST POSSIBLE BAND NAMES 1. Eichmann Tina Turner 2. Harcourt Fenton Mudvayne 3. Fag of Convenience 4. Englebert Needledick 5. Muslimgauzey Muslimgauzebourne THINGS PABLO PICASSO WAS CALLED, OTHER THAN AN ASSHOLE …
I’ve always been fascinated by the fact that being a witness to even the most electrifying events is no guarantee of recalling them accurately. The men and women who survived the sinking of the Titanic disagreed as to exactly how the great ship went down, even though they all saw it at …
Being a doctrinaire conservative in this day and age requires you to do a lot of cognitive gymnastics. Luckily, the captain of the right’s gymnastic team is Ben Shapiro, who has been an exceptional contortionist since his YAF days, when he simultaneously boasted of his unfashionable virginity and scolded everyone …
The soul of man is forever striving, straining for victory, for glory, for transcendence beyond his mere base physicality, to become one with a universal whole. But it is this very striving that grounds him to the ordinary, by mussing his hair, coating his tongue, and causing various antisocial odors …
Another Mayan apocalypse come and gone, and here we still are, writing end-of-year recaps. Searching for an overarching metaphor for the most annoying year in the history of music criticism proved difficult, as no comparison seemed worth of encapsulating the unique blend of lazy and self-righteous that characterized 2012. Was …
Every month, this site will be stricken with insomnia and provide content in the form of letting its iTunes shuffle go berserk and jotting down a few notes on the resulting 6 songs. It will do this in hopes of disguising the fact that it no longer finds keeping up …
“The darkest place is under the candlestick.” — ‘Me’ Devils on the Doorstep manages to pull off, with near-total success, something so frustratingly difficult to do in film, no one has really managed to accomplish it since Kubrick made Dr. Strangelove: make a work of art that fully captures the insanity …
SUGGESTED WAYS TO DISPOSE OF MY BODY 1. Ground into paste and surreptitiously mixed into fanciful coffee drinks at Lincoln Park Starbucks 2. Turned into decaying, offensive puppet by German performance artist 3. Used as reanimated zombie drug mule by Haitian coke dealers 4. Brain used as defective component by …
Ever since the first e-mail was sent, it was only a matter of time before governments worldwide would find a way to monetize the internet. Its commercial potential revolutionized capitalism, but it fiercely resisted the inevitability of the state taking its traditional cut; despite the way it ran roughshod over …
