The Secret (Alternate) History

7:30PM. Covene third editorial board meeting of the Journal of the Tennessee Alternate History Society.

7:32PM. Announcement of snacks available. Possibility of another snack run later in the evening. Inquiries made about lack of Chee-tos; Senior Editor Johnson assures group that only the hot crunchy Chee-tos were available at the Stop ‘n’ Go.

7:40PM. Review of previous issue of the JTAHS. Review of what worked and what did not work. General consensus is that features based on American Civil War should be given stronger focus, and features based on Boer and Crimean Wars should be given less. Treasurer McNealy registers strong dissenting vote. Editor-in-Chief Rondele notes that “Alternate Histories of Historical Events Which Have Not, In Fact, Taken Place Yet” proved to be one of the most successful features to date, but that name is possibly unwieldy. Table is opened up to suggestions for new name of feature. “Back to the Future” most popular choice. Recording Secretary Dillon notes possibility of legal action if this title were used. First runner-up, “Days of Future Re-Passed”, tabled barring market research. Title “Alternate Histories of Historical Events Which Have Not, In Fact, Taken Place Yet” retained in the meantime, but shortened to “AlHis2EvWinHaNoInFaTaPlY”.

7:56PM. Old business discussed: new printer, possibility of digitally altered historical photograph feature, interviews with ahistorical figures. Treasurer McNealy suggests idea for issue #4: “What if the Crimean War Had Been Fought Entirely at Sea?” Senior Editor Johnson points out that this is new business and can be brought up later. Junior Editor Melford shows up late, apologizes; said his wife was bugging him again about fixing the DVD player. Proofer Canelli suggests future article: “What If Czar Nicholas’ Wife Was Always Bugging Him About Fixing the DVD Player?” to general laughter of the group. Proofer Canelli says he was not joking.

8:14PM. Lack of puffy Chee-tos again brought up. Senior Editor Johnson reiterates that they didn’t have any at the Stop ‘n’ Go. Staff Writer Zell asks if they didn’t have another brand of the same basic chip as it is his understanding that Planters’ makes a very good puffy cheese snack. Senior Editor Johnson asks if everybody wants him to run to the Piggly Wiggly right now and get some puffy Chee-tos, because he’ll do it if it will shut everyone up. General discussion of this. Notion fails to carry, but Recording Secretary Dillon notes some lingering rancor over the issue.

8:20PM. New business. Treasurer McNealy suggests idea for issue #4: “What if the Boer War Had Been Fought Entirely at Sea?” Editor-in-Chief Rondele says he thought it was what if the Crimean War had been fought entirely at sea. Treasurer McNealy says that it sounds better the second way. Staff Writer Miller says yes, that’s a good idea but he wonders if it will conflict with the “What If the Civil War Had Developed Into Full-Scale Submarine Warfare” story that’s planned for the same issue. Treasurer McNealy says he really doesn’t think people care about some stupid Civil War story because that’s all we have all the time is stupid Civil War stories. Staff Writer Miller responds that at least it’s not some dumb-ass war involving the Transvaal Republic, and besides, Treasurer McNealy is the one who is stupid. General argument over this contention. Master-at-Arms Mrs. Johnson called for order.

Staff Writer Zell suggests “What If the Klingons Had Access to Jedi Training?” Senior Editor Johnson counters that the Tennessee Alternate History Society is a serious organ of historical research and will not waste the time of its staff or its writers on frivolous science-fiction nonsense. Editor-in-Chief Rondele concurs and vows that at no time during his tenure as the guiding force behind the JTAHS will he allow it to degenerate into pandering fanboy trivia, but will remain the New South’s premiere journal of legitimate alternate historical research and discussion. It is suggested to Staff Writer Zell that he focus his energies instead on the “What If the Japanese Had Attacked Pearl Harbor With an Army of Ninjas and Not Fighter Planes?” article, which is already overdue.

8:30PM. The issue of a second snack run is revisited. Meeting adjourns.

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