The Kick Inside

The Kick Inside

29

Apr

2013

We were our century's cowboys; explorers of inner space, the last adventurers. We charted the only empty terrain left under heaven or on earth. We were the superstars in a world without borders, and yet to look at us today, you'd think we were nothing more than criminals.With legalization and liberalization came a relaxed a ...
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The Imaginary Ombudsman

The Imaginary Ombudsman

28

Apr

2013

ATLANTIS. First of all, it's Atlantis. Not Atlantis City. The minute you guys open your mouths and say "Atlantis City", we know you're just some fish-gilled, gawking tourist from Lemuria or something. Second, we don't have gambling here. That's Atlantic City.METROPOLIS. There's more to see ...
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The Joke Whisperer

The Joke Whisperer

27

Apr

2013

I am the truth-speaker, the teller of tales, the long tall saddleman. I know the secrets, the lies, and the things that are kept inside. I know who threw their clock out that window, and why. I know why Bill doesn't get too many giraffes in his bar, even if he won't admit it to himself. And brother, if you're ever in the de ...
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Naming of Games

Naming of Games

26

Apr

2013

GENESIS CHAPTER 219  And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air, and even the plastic representations thereof for display in the windows of Japanese restaurants; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them:  and whatsoever Adam called every living creatu ...
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The Spy Who Came in Through the Door (Upon Viewing Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy)

The Spy Who Came in Through the Door (Upon Viewing <i>Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy</i>)

25

Apr

2013

It looks like the Russians let us down again.Of course, it was the bloody Russians letting us down in the first place that put the four of us here, in a second-rate room in a Hyatt Regency that disgraces the words "Hyatt" and "regency". It was because they couldn't keep even the semblance of even an evil empire together tha ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: To the Wonder

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>To the Wonder</i>

22

Apr

2013

I sat down to write a review of Terrence Malick's latest film, To the Wonder, with the goal of speaking only of the work itself, an approach I have often found valuable in music writing:  by trimming off the fat, by burying the excess, by considering only the art under contemplation and not the thick laters of cultural ac ...
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Dear God, Hope You Got the Letter

Dear God, Hope You Got the Letter

21

Apr

2013

GEN. 1:1. Dear Diary, Mr. Phillips wants us to create a whole planet by next Thursday. This is totally unfair. Like I have time to do all this. I'm not on the Scientific Decathlon team. Why should I have to create a planet? I just want to cheer. I shouldn't even have to take biology. This is gay. Plus my la ...
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Courtball Weekly

Courtball Weekly

16

Apr

2013

Texcoco wingman Kevin Malixtepinqa announced his retirement last week after thirteen seasons with the squad. He led the league in goals for for six seasons, including two consecutively in 1502 and 1503. An anterior cruciate ligament injury hobbled him for the last two campaigns, and he made the announcement ...
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Europe, Endless

Europe, Endless

14

Apr

2013

As you may remember, at the start of the war against Iraq ten years ago, Donald Rumsfeld was asked about the widespread opposition to the invasion, especially in Europe, which stood in marked contrast to European support for previous American military endeavors.  His reply:"Now, you're thinking of Europe as Germany and Fra ...
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Gaijinks

Gaijinks

13

Apr

2013

Dear Dad,Greetings from Kyoto! Tell Grandpa that even though he's been here (just after the war), things have changed a lot since then. For example, there's lots of smog, and they have beer in vending machines.Anyway, I know you wanted me to let you know when I got here safe. You didn't say that you wanted me to write, but ...
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English as She is Illegally Spoke

English as She is Illegally Spoke

12

Apr

2013

With the dentistDENTIST: Open your mouth, please. Which is the tooth that hurts?LARRY: I'm not sure. I think all of my teeth hurt.DENTIST: Your gums are infected. I am going to prescribe an antibiotic.LARRY: How about some painkillers?DENTIST: No, I do not think such will be necessary.LARRY: Because it real ...
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Transcending Limitations

Transcending Limitations

10

Apr

2013

Film Studies 289: New Themes in Conflict.Richard Illarde and staff.Full Course. M/W/F 10AM.The study of film -- the only completely original art form of the 20th century -- has for too long been governed by dated or archaic terminology, blinkered pedagogy, and hand-me-down methodologies borrowed from other ...
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To Destroy the Evil Forces of the Roman Empire

To Destroy the Evil Forces of the Roman Empire

8

Apr

2013

..after a terrific battle; the crudely wrought but formidable Astrotrain, whose galling but self-assured swagger enlightened the boldness of his automated brethren even as it tested the fidelity of his quondam ally Blitzwing, frustrated the more graceful tactics, worried the time-tested drill, and enervated the resolve of t ...
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Unaccustomed as I AM to Public Speaking

Unaccustomed as I AM to Public Speaking

8

Apr

2013

Okay, folks, we need to have a little sit-down about some of the rules. God has been noticing a lot of disobedience lately, and He doesn't want to have to kill a bunch of people again.Hey, Gershon, tell me about it, okay? I lost three cousins in that slaughter. But nobody made you guys worship the golden calf, okay? It was ...
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Hu Wat Wai, Wer Wen Hao

Hu Wat Wai, Wer Wen Hao

5

Apr

2013

WHO: That one guy who's always hanging around down by the tire store. Just some dudes. You wouldn't know her, she lives in Canada, but her name is, uh, Melissa Pabodie. Wealthy young gadabout Herbert Hirschman. The producers of Vantasy II: Vampire Van. Some guys in a low rider, I think they where in a gang ...
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