This Will Hurt You More Than It Hurts Me

This Will Hurt You More Than It Hurts Me

31

May

2013

"You're in the soup now, missy.""Yeah.""You're well and truly sorted out, me girl.""Sorted out.""You're in for a long old night of it.""A long night.""Thank you, Miller, no need for the Greek chorus.""Sorry, sir.""Right ho. Now, back to you. You really should have talked when you had the chance. But you had to take the hard ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: The Hitch-Hiker

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>The Hitch-Hiker</i>

30

May

2013

Ida Lupino's The Hitch-Hiker breaks a lot of the 'rules' of film noir, and in doing so, it sometimes scans like a prescient warning bell of the post-Psycho revolution in crime drama than it does a product of the 1950 B-picture system.  This is by no means meant as a criticism; a few clunky plot points and a pocket-change ...
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They Call Me Mr. Chipped

They Call Me Mr. Chipped

29

May

2013

V-CHIP THEATRE PRESENTS:  THE GREAT FILMS1. The Godfather (1971; Francis Ford Coppola, dir.) An Italian-American family struggles to thrive in an extremely competitive business environment.2. Vertigo (1958; Alfred Hitchcock, dir.) San Francisco police detective investigates confusing identity theft, fails ...
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The Golden Box

The Golden Box

28

May

2013

Harken, she who is called 'Sue'!Conan has no need of your foolish tonics and potions. Is this the way of civilization? Are all the men here so weak and womanly that they must anoint their steel with herbs and magics in order to please their women-folk? Bah! A pox on the degenerate habits of your kind! Conan is a warrior of ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: Le Pont du Nord

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>Le Pont du Nord</i>

26

May

2013

Le Pont du Nord, which I saw earlier this week in a gorgeous new 35mm print at the Northwest Film Forum, is a baffling creature; neither a straightforward narrative nor an entirely experimental impressionistic piece, it's hard to figure out while you're watching it and even harder to suss with later consideration.  It's a ...
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The Custard from Another Planet

The Custard from Another Planet

25

May

2013

Oh, you future generations who read these words in admiration or infamy: it is to you I speak, for there is none today I can tell. Pity me, please, and envy too: for I am the most luckless man on this lonely world, and the most blessed. I am no one today, but by the time of your reading I will be someone miraculous or malev ...
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That Postmoderny Show

That Postmoderny Show

24

May

2013

"Saint's Day": Eric is disappointed when none of his friends will help him celebrate his Saint's Day. They point out that the whole idea of a Saint's Day is pretty stupid, and that at any rate, he is not Catholic. He vows to develop an affectation that will make the gang think he is interesting, although he does not phrase ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: Mr. Arkadin

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>Mr. Arkadin</i>

22

May

2013

Orson Welles' Mr. Arkadin (also known as Confidential Report, Dossier Secret, and a handful of other names) is one of the most difficult to assess items in the great man's filmography, which is one reason I've resisted seeing it for so long.  While the general consensus seems to be that it's a noble failure, a lesser c ...
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The Critic Inside Me

The Critic Inside Me

21

May

2013

I'd finished my scone and was having a second cup of Turkish coffee when I saw him. The No. 73 Express bus from the University District had come in a few minutes before, and he was peering in one end of the café window, the end nearest the anarchist bookstore, wiping his hands on his Huggy Bear t-shirt and blinking against ...
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The Alternate Emmys

The Alternate Emmys

19

May

2013

Outstanding Monkey Drama Series:Monkey Murder Squad • CBSOne Tough Monkey • ABCThe Logbook of Sailor Beppo • HBOPhiladelphia Organgrinders • FOXPresident Ape • NBCOutstanding Robot Comedy Series:Class 3 Laughter Inducement Program • FOXMe and HRX4220149-Delta-AM1640-C • Showti ...
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That’s Not FUNNY!

That’s Not FUNNY!

18

May

2013

Hey, folks! Good to see you! And I mean that. Not that I've ever seen you before, I just mean that simply that my being able to see you at all is indicative of the fact that I haven't gone blind. Unless this is some kind of elaborate internal hallucination, but if that's the case, perception being a process of thought, mayb ...
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The Brutal Gourmet

The Brutal Gourmet

17

May

2013

LIVERThe most common of the variety meats is also the easiest target. The mere mention of liver perennially brings a frown to children's faces, and even among adults with more sophisticated palates it is unjustifiably maligned. The truth is, this vitamin-packed, easy-to-extract organ is easily prepared, affordable, and quit ...
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The Dharma Bleacher Bums

The Dharma Bleacher Bums

16

May

2013

"Who's up?""Dictionary Williams. Black as night, but if he hits, all my life isn't black.""I'm throwing.""Throw it down.""Six. God damn it!""Don't swear.""Two men on and two outs. I should have put in a reliever. Fucking ties it up.""The empty sky bears witness to his mighty homer.""Just deal the cards, Jack.""Sure.""Next u ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: The Great Gatsby

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>The Great Gatsby</i>

14

May

2013

And now, a review of the trailers I saw tonight prior to a screening of Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby.Wish You Were Here:  This Australian mystery/thriller seems to revolve around two identically scruffy-looking numbskulls, one of whom disappears while on Holiday.  At first this makes his girlfriend an ...
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The Book of (Dumb) Questions

The Book of (Dumb) Questions

11

May

2013

1. Imagine you are having dinner with Abraham Lincoln. You have the ability to warn him in advance that he is going to die, but it might result in the North losing the Civil War if he lives. Do you think you could get him to admit he was gay?27. You are a guest at a sumptuous holiday dinner served by a group of people whose ...
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