And Myles to Go Before We Sleep

And Myles to Go Before We Sleep

28

Jun

2013

So, it's bores again, did we?A particularly fine-fettled specimen of the bore, who can easily be found in the used clothing and liquor-dispensing sectors of our cluttered metropoli, is The Man Who Saw Them Before They Sold Out. Surely you have seen him, in his all-too-well-fitting pants and his courderoy jacketage and his h ...
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Henry, You Don’t Mean It

Henry, You Don’t Mean It

27

Jun

2013

And now, this site proudly presents the first of an occassional series of ravings by your crazy uncle Henry, entitled "Henry, You Don't Mean It". Henry can be reached at the TV store down by the coffee shop, where he angrily contradicts pre-recorded news broadcasts.***When I die, I hope to come back as a bird, so I can fly ...
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Left-Handed Form: The Professionals

Left-Handed Form:  The Professionals

26

Jun

2013

The first of an occasional series of posts about crime, both in its real-world manifestations and its portrayal in popular culture.  The title of the series comes from the great 1950 noir The Asphalt Jungle, in which the moneyman Roland Emmerich describes crime as "a left-handed form of human endeavor".***In the breathles ...
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Hoping You Won’t Be Too

Hoping You Won’t Be Too

24

Jun

2013

Hi! I'm Blue!You may remember me from the color of a sunny sky, or the clothes you wore when you were a baby if you were a boy, or from the color scheme of a sports team you may enjoy. Perhaps you're familiar with the feeling of calm and well-being I have been found to instill, or my associations with the vast expanses of w ...
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At the Movies

At the Movies

23

Jun

2013

Regular readers of this site -- hey, you three! -- will know that I regularly feature long-form film criticism of movies both old and new.   You may not know, however, that I see about ten movies for every one I write about, and time simply doesn't permit, nor quality justify, a lengthy analysis of each.  However, recogni ...
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Zombies of Calabasas

Zombies of Calabasas

22

Jun

2013

Sofia Coppola, after an initial period of wunderkind delight, seems to have settled into the role of a director that people want to like more than they actually like her.  She followed up the very good The Virgin Suicides with the great Lost in Translation, but that was chased by the problematic Marie Antoinette and th ...
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I Will Get By, I Will System Shock Survive

I Will Get By, I Will System Shock Survive

20

Jun

2013

INCIDENT LOG, 06.201900 hrs - arrived for duty - relieved Duty Officer Lothar the Civic1907 hrs - dispatch: Royal Dungeons, Dwarf City of Kang - 12 kobolds - D.O. action: disposal - valuables left at scene: none2042 hrs - dispatch: Slag Pits of Morthor - 3 firedrakes - D.O. action: 2 disposals, 1 transfer t ...
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Pain and Truth

Pain and Truth

19

Jun

2013

Dealing with the death of famous people is an emotionally thorny proposition.  No matter how much you might have cared for their work, you didn't really know them, and it seems almost intrusive to mourn them the way you would a friend or a family member.  And, of course, death comes for us all, and most celebrities led p ...
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Girls! To Clean the Bathroom

Girls! To Clean the Bathroom

18

Jun

2013

And now, ladies and gentlemen -- but especially ladies! -- it's time for an exciting set of Wisdom Flirtinis from the adorable pink leather-bound notebook of Betty Ray Insensata, the Feminist Who's Unclear on the Concept!"A woman without a man is like Lance Armstrong without a bicycle.""People call me a fe ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: The Friends of Eddie Coyle

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>The Friends of Eddie Coyle</i>

17

Jun

2013

For someone who loves crime drama, downbeat '70s cinema, and stories of doomed losers as much as I do, it took me an inexplicably long time to get around to seeing Peter Yates' foundational tale of a bottom-feeding Boston mob hanger-on.  The Friends of Eddie Coyle never seemed to crop up on television when I was younger, a ...
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I Shouted Out “Who Killed the Kennedys?”

I Shouted Out “Who Killed the Kennedys?”

14

Jun

2013

Mr. Speaker, Mr. Chief Justice, President Obama, Vice President Biden, Senator McConnell, Dr. von Hellish, fellow citizens:We observe today not a victory over death but a celebration of life -- symbolizing an end as well as a beginning; signifying renewal as well as change. My return to the world of the living takes place e ...
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I Need a Reminder to Look at My Reminder

I Need a Reminder to Look at My Reminder

14

Jun

2013

MON-EL'S BIGGEST COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE THOUSAND YEARS HE SPENT IN THE PHANTOM ZONE1. No cable2. General Zod wouldn't stop telling that one story about how he first decided to become an astronaut3. Friday Night Fish Surprise was just Mrs. Pal-El's Fish Sticks with sprig of parsley4. Nam-Ek smelled like rhino ...
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Goin’ to a Town Where Nobody Knows Me

Goin’ to a Town Where Nobody Knows Me

12

Jun

2013

Nipples, FL. Originally planned as a cultural and intellectual haven in the theme-parks-and-outlet-malls wasteland of central Florida and meant to be called Naples, this planned community was doomed from the start after a misunderstanding involving the county record-keeper, whose poor spelling was legendary ...
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Mix A Tonic

Mix A Tonic

10

Jun

2013

Dear Ben,The news is nothing but good! Finally got a tenure-track gig, and at a school on the east coast, too! Miskatonic -- ever heard of it? Their sciences departments are supposed to be top-rate, but I don't know a lot about their liberal arts school. Ah well; a job's a job. I'll see you in three weeks!Love,Flavia---Dear ...
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Resume the Résumé

Resume the Résumé

10

Jun

2013

Conrad Z. WrightThe Elite Hotel for Transients1258 W. Clark Street, Suite # 2nd Floor on Your Right with "WHORS" Carved Into the DoorChicago, IL 60657(773) 288 4904 when not in use by another residentI have an e-mail address but I don't know how to work itCONRAD Z. WRIGHT: CURRICULUM VITAEEducation1992-1994 ...
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