The Realness

Shot:  Dark room.  Cast, standing with arms crossed, moving pan.  Stern expressions as they look up at the camera.  Menacing tone plays on soundtrack.

ANNOUNCER’S V.O.:  NYPD Blue did it for the police department.

Shot:  Conference table.  Jim throws his pen angrily across a legal pad.  He glares at a stern-looking agent of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, who grips his own legal pad in a menacing fashion.  The two stare each other down.  

ANNOUNCER’s V.O.:  L.A. Law did it for the legal profession.

Shot:  Late night in Trina’s house.  Her daughter Judy stands framed in the bedroom door, holding a teddy bear and weeping quietly.  Lit only by the screen of her laptop, Trina pores over an Excel file and makes occasional notes on a legal pad.  She bites her lip — in guilt? In concern?  

ANNOUNCER’S V.O.:   Boston Public did it for the schools.  

Shot:  Carl is sitting in a richly appointed waiting room.  He glances at his phone and checks his briefcase to make sure he has a clipboard and a legal pad.  Exchanging a look with the pretty Latina receptionist, he smiles politely.  He waits some more, and glances at his phone again.

ANNOUNCER’S V.O.:  Now, NBC presents the show that will bring real stories, real people, and real problems to one of the most high-pressure occupations in the world.  It’s true, it’s street, it’s as good as it gets — and for the first time, you’ll be inside the world of the institutional banking profession, with SAN DIEGO BANKING.  It’s…sexy:

JANELLE:  Dammit, Jon!  You’re talking about an industrial loan company!  What do you think we are, some kind of Harley-riding rebels?  We’re a federally chartered financial institution, not some kind of state-chartered, non-FDIC-insured rogue outfit.

JON:  I know, baby.  And I don’t care.

JANELLE:  But — but, you know as well as I do, FDIC-insured entities are subject to Sections 23A and 23B of the Federal Reserve Act, which limits bank transactions with affiliates, including the parent company!  You can’t just place financial instruments this powerful in the hands of a non-financial…

JON:  We can go cross-country with this.  It’s permitted by many states on a reciprocal basis.  We’re chartered in Utah, Indiana, Nevada…take your top off and I’ll tell you about Hawaii.

JANELLE:  Oh, God, yes.

ANNOUNCER’S V.O.:  It’s…sassy:

MARGARETHE:  No way!  Did you see this memo from Stanford on reserve requirement guidelines?

TONI:  Like I ever read memos from Stanford that aren’t about people taking my Lean Cuisines.

MARGARETHE:  It’s like the guy has never heard of a qualifying DDA/NOW account definition of eligibility on interest-bearing checking accounts!  Hasn’t he read Regulation Q?

TONI:  Honey, I don’t know.  I just know it’s Friday night, and there’s half-price mojitos at Jazztini’s and I’m going to put the moves on that new guy in Home Mortgage Disclosure.  Who are you gonna ask?

MARGARETHE:  I was thinking Hanley, the junior VP in Pass-Through Insurance.

TONI:  Uh, don’t bother.

MARGARETHE:  What?  Why?

TONI:  Talk about Regulation Q.

ANNOUNCER’S V.O.:  It’s…street:

KATE:  I don’t care how they do things in Southeast, McCullers.  Here at the Point Loma branch of the Bank of the West, we follow rules.

EDMOND:  Man, screw that!  I got a bitch putting fifty grand in my hands, the general availability rules start to look all blurry, know what I’m sayin’?  That U.S. Treasury check gonna be available, reasonable period of shareholder aggregate amounts notwithstanding.

KATE:  But Exception Hold Regulation CC 12 CFR 229.12(e) is ironclad, McCullers!  I’m not taking the fall for you or your little ghetto friends.

EDMOND:  We had a name for punk-ass jive like that back in Logan Heights, Kate.  That name was…risk-averse.

(Music sting)

ANNOUNCER’S V.O.:  Coming this fall on NBC:  San Diego Banking.  Finally, television brings you a money shot.


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