Oh, You’re THAT Guy!

Oh, You’re THAT Guy!

29

Aug

2013

"Hello?""Is this Wanda?""Yeah...who's calling?""This is Andy!""Uh...""You remember! Andy! From high school!""I'm afraid I don't...oh, wait a minute.""See, you remember!""Oh, my God!""Uh huh!""Oh, my God. I remember you and Marty Leffler stole that garbage truck from the city vehicle impound lot...""Right!""And you filled th ...
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Your Entertainment, Whose Reality?

Your Entertainment, Whose Reality?

27

Aug

2013

Of the 100 films that have made the most money in the United States over the last decade – almost all of which have made more than $200 million -- the protagonists and their primary relationships are as follows.- A young wizard and his magical friends (x6).- A young girl who becomes romantically entangled with a vampires ...
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It Takes a Kid to Kill a Kid

It Takes a Kid to Kill a Kid

26

Aug

2013

I first got into it when I was in third grade. There was this one older kid, Paulie Troward, who would always get the merry-go-round spinning really fast and then push me off of it. Once I landed on my back? And it knocked all the wind out of me? And I couldn't breathe and I didn't know what was happening. I thought I was g ...
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No Justice in Life

No Justice in Life

24

Aug

2013

Superman!  Superior man!  A man who's better than the other menIf you are a man and you think you're great, you might be rightBut you're definitely not as good asSuper Man!Batman!  Man of bats!  A man who is dressed like a bat and that makes him kind of scary!Maybe you don't think about bats very often but he thinks abo ...
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I Ain’t No Good Man

I Ain’t No Good Man

22

Aug

2013

I know it's hard.   I know how hard it is.  And I know how easy it would be not to try, because that's the way the world is built:  for you not to try.  For you to give up.  The world will always give you a million reasons not to try, and they're not bad reasons.  They're not just excuses or justifications.  They're ...
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Ain’t Nothin’ But a Sandwich

Ain’t Nothin’ But a Sandwich

20

Aug

2013

"Fred, you have to believe, we want to help you.""That's what you keep telling me.""The Army, if nothing else, takes care of its own.""That's what you say. I say they're sticking me with a head-shrinker because I'm a problem they don't want to deal with.""Fred, don't think of me as...you seem to approach this with the idea ...
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BKC&D

BKC&D

19

Aug

2013

Dear Mr. Pierce,This letter is to inform you that you must immediately cease & desist all production on your musical theater project, Tracksuit American. This so-called 'musical comedy revue' infringes on a number of Burger King Holdings, Inc.'s registered trademarks, which are fully protected under United States intell ...
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A Minor Place

A Minor Place

19

Aug

2013

Coming this fall from FOX -- the smallest reality show ever will also be the biggest!From the producers of Zero-Sum Dating, Slut-Shame Mansion and World's Most Abusive Husbands comes the series that everyone said we couldn't do. Too daring, said the suits. Too risky, said the censors. Too clearly in violation of local, stat ...
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I Blame Letterman

I Blame Letterman

14

Aug

2013

ALTERNATE INSTITUTIONS SEN. JOSEPH McCARTHY HAD CONSIDERED CLAIMING WERE HEAVILY INFILTRATED BY COMMUNISTS BEFORE SETTLING ON THE ARMY, THE STATE DEPARTMENT AND HOLLYWOOD1. The National Forest Service2. Ventriloquists3. The cement industry4. The Idaho Department of Weights & Measures5. Bozeman, MT MORE...

This Fascist Kills Machines

This Fascist Kills Machines

13

Aug

2013

The first one I did was the television.It was just after Audrey died; maybe two, three weeks after. I was sitting at the end of the couch, where I always sat. I still hadn't broken the habit of looking over at the green chair; that was where she'd be when we were watching TV together. Every twenty minutes or so I would look ...
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Friendly Fire

Friendly Fire

12

Aug

2013

PFC Miller, Spec/9 Taylor and Cpl. Laredo: This one was no big deal. I don't even know why this is being brought up against me. It was the designated duty of Spec/9 Taylor to inspect the Apache for engine flaws and mechanical problems and the like, not the designated duty of me. It is my opinion that if you want to try me u ...
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Dinner and a Movie

Dinner and a Movie

11

Aug

2013

"Tell me again about the flying machines.""Do I have to?""Oh, yes, Margaret-Mary! That I do long to hear.""Could you at least call me Maggie?""Maggie is undiginified, darling. A woman should always carry herself with the utmost bearing. Margaret-Mary has weight to it. Maggie is what one calls a cat or a pet bird.""For someo ...
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Deutschland Über What Now?

Deutschland Über What Now?

8

Aug

2013

The world today is a violent place. Terrorism, war, genocide and bloodshed are in the headlines every day. But in the rush to find a culprit -- drugs? a turning away from religion? video games? -- no one has considered the most obvious suspect of all: national anthems. In nearly every country on Earth, the song meant to emb ...
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Mad I Tell You

Mad I Tell You

6

Aug

2013

It should have been an amazing success.Thanks to the out-of-court settlement of a number of lawsuits, the permanent destruction of the audition footage, and the unfortunate hot dog coma of a major production company executive I am not at liberty to name, I can finally talk about my near-miss with Hollywood glory and my shou ...
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Die Sterne des Bühne und Leinwand

Die Sterne des Bühne und Leinwand

5

Aug

2013

Ever since the dark days of the Second World War, the controversial figure of Adolf Hitler has been a rich vein of Hollywood portrayal. While the judgment of history on this remarkable man -- misunderstood genius? political visionary? overly effective patriot? -- is still pending, it cannot be denied that he is as magnetic ...
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