Dinner and a Movie

“Tell me again about the flying machines.”

“Do I have to?”

“Oh, yes, Margaret-Mary! That I do long to hear.”

“Could you at least call me Maggie?”

“Maggie is undiginified, darling. A woman should always carry herself with the utmost bearing. Margaret-Mary has weight to it. Maggie is what one calls a cat or a pet bird.”

“For someone who’s supposed to be a great romantic, you sure are bossy.”

“I want only to please you, dearest one. And I please you best when you are at your best.”

“You’ve barely pleased me at all.”

“Why — whatever do you mean? Ooooh, your ringing machine is sounding.”

“Let it go to voice mail. And that’s what I mean. All you do is ask me about the telephone and the internet and ride up and down in elevators. You’ve hardly touched me at all. I didn’t bring you back to teach you about Giordano’s delivery service.”

“Wait half a moment, oh flower of my passion! What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, I had to cast a powerful spell to bring you to my…”

“No, no, not that. Are you telling me that delightful restaurant you took me to yesternight delivers?”

“Jack! Quit changing the subject.”

“Oh, dearest. Honestly. ‘Jack’ is for common people and Englishmen. Call me ‘Giacomo’, if you will not call me by my true name.”

“I’m not calling you Casanova. Not with the way you behave. You’ve barely even given me a kiss. Some great lover. All you do is eat. You had three breakfasts today.”

“Do you think Giordano’s delivers breakfast?”

“Stop talking about Giordano’s! I want to know. Is it me? Don’t you find me attractive?”

“No, that’s not it at all, sweet stirrer of my fire-drenched loins. You are a vision of resplendence, the measure of radiance. When the angels speak of perfection, they conjure it with the name Margaret-Mary. It is just that, well, your world is strange and new to me, with many wonders to behold. I am a man of many passions, and my thirst for knowledge is as great as my thirst for love’s embraces.”

“And your thirst for liquor, I suppose. You made an absolute ass of yourself at Clarice’s party.”

“I thought I was rather engaging.”

“You challenged my senior editor to a duel! You spent half the night opening and closing the refrigerator door…”

“I wanted to see the light go on and off. I have a suspicion that there is a mechanical golem within who operates the works.”

“…and you drank eleven beers. Eleven!”

“It comes in those tiny pressurized firkins.”

“I want to know if you’re going to make it worth my while to have brought you here. I want to see the Casanova whose name is synonymous with amorous intrigues, not the one whose name is synonymous with overindulgence in sausages and playing Tekken Revolution.”

“Margaret-Mary.”

“Yes?”

“Sunlight of the future. Most beauteous and cunning of witches. Sorceress who has ensnared my heart.”

“Yes?”

“I have but a single question, that if answered, will make my love’s dreams fulfilled.”

“Oh, Jack! Yes?”

“Is the 7-Eleven still open? How I crave a Slurpee, the ones cunningly flavored of lime. Be a dear, won’t you?”

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