iFruits of Their Labor

WAYS I WISH LIFE WAS MORE LIKE GRAND THEFT AUTO V

Medical bills capped at $5,000 regardless of the extent of the injury

Impossible to gain weight

Commercial radio still features good music, DJs worth listening to

Ability to get away with even the worst crimes by hiding in a garage or alley for 15 minutes

Goal of retiring to huge mansion  with $25 million relatively easy to achieve

Death easily avoided by choosing correct option on cell phone

Possible to drive from one end of L.A. to the other in less than four hours

For an additional small fee, cabs able to literally travel at the speed of light

Easy to bend Juggalos to your will

California wildlife not yet completely extinct

WAYS I AM GLAD LIFE IS NOT LIKE GRAND THEFT AUTO V

Police in real life do not shoot all people for any minor moving violation; just black people

Planes and helicopters in real life are not basically impossible to operate

In real life, I am not obligated to jump off of a skyscraper just because some hyper-macho Type A asshole dares me to

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