Ecce Homestyle

Ecce Homestyle

30

Jan

2014

The Bongiorno Jimmy's story begins all the way back in September of 1991. It was then that six men, their attorneys, a $4,600,000 startup investment, several bank loans, and an IPO scheme decided that there were a lot of institutional-grade convenience dining establishments, but there weren't enough institutional-grade conv ...
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Freaks, Geeks, and Postmodernist Critiques

Freaks, Geeks, and Postmodernist Critiques

28

Jan

2014

First day at the new school or should I say it in capitals, the New School is what they call it. Plenty of other Irishmen here in New York but does it feel like home? Ballocks it does. Only one place will ever be home and it weren't Paris and it ain't New York either but Mum says to make some new friends and to try and fit ...
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What the Christ is the Matter with the Jews, Bob?

What the Christ is the Matter with the Jews, Bob?

26

Jan

2014

"Sir?""What is it, Nixon? I've got things to do. This place doesn't run itself.""Well, I was wondering...""And what are you doing in the Palace of Sin? According to my Palm Pilot, you're supposed to be having your blood replaced by napalm right now, followed by a full-body blackening at 3PM.""I just thought, if I could get ...
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Slave to the Man

Slave to the Man

24

Jan

2014

An average-looking young white guy in his mid-20s rolls out of bed in a meager apartment. He brushes his teeth, puts on deodorant, and so on. Eventually, he sits down, picks up a phone, and dials a number, holding some paperwork in his other hand."Hi, this is Tim Patrick. Timesheet number...uh, hold on, let me see...#43701- ...
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How Fandom Works: A Non-Toon

How Fandom Works:  A Non-Toon

22

Jan

2014

1.  JERRY FAN:  I love pies2.  JACKY FAN:  I also love pies3.  (both eat pies with little enthusiasm)4.  JERRY FAN:  This pie would make a good cake***1.  JERRY FAN:  Did you hear Bill's Bakery fired Baker Bob2.  JACKY FAN:  But Baker Bob baked all their best pies3.  JERRY & JACKY FAN:  We are outraged4.   ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: 12 Years A Slave

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>12 Years A Slave</i>

20

Jan

2014

Slavery, it has been properly observed, is America's original sin.  It is our first and foremost crime, the most adjacent cause of our civil war, and the source of the racial poison that continues to choke us today.  It is, if this can be said in a way that does not invite outrage and hyperbole, our Holocaust:  a mobile ...
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This Nation’s Saving Throw

This Nation’s Saving Throw

18

Jan

2014

DUNGEON MASTER RICHIE - Who's on point?KEVIN - Hillyard.HILLYARD - The hell I am!BENNY - You are, Hilly. You agreed to run point for me when I sold you my +2 short sword back in East Wind Dell.H - Fuck.DM - Okay.K - What was that roll for?DM - None of your business.K - I'll give you two hundred gold pieces if you tell me ...
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Every Little Fellow

Every Little Fellow

16

Jan

2014

Stand down, oppressors! Your days of dominance are finished; your time of reckoning is at hand!You have stood on our necks for too long. You have excluded us from many of the finest professions; you have prevented us from becoming educated; you have made us second- and third-class citizens -- and all the while you have said ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: The Wolf of Wall Street

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>The Wolf of Wall Street</i>

14

Jan

2014

Hetty Green was one of the first women to make a killing in stocks.  The heir to a considerable whaling fortune, the dour and grim New England Quaker increased her net worth more than tenfold with canny investments in everything from real estate to railroads to war bonds, and when she died in 1916, she was the richest woma ...
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Cordial Hatred

Cordial Hatred

12

Jan

2014

"I can't take you anywhere.""Oh, that's original.""That's it! Make it worse! Honestly.""He provoked me.""You behaved like an ass.""Not an asshole?""Take your pick.""I like ass better.""Well, by all means, let's go with that one.""He provoked me. You can't deny it.""You provoked him.""What, you're sticking up for him now?""I ...
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In the Eye

In the Eye

10

Jan

2014

My idyll with the supermodel Veronica began as nothing more than a murky daydream, an absurd fantast's scenario which replayed fitfully in my head like a picture-show for some weeks after first being introduced to her at a 'mixer' sponsored by the alumni club. I became bewitched in the way only a man can become who has spen ...
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Evil Genius

Evil Genius

8

Jan

2014

2004:VIENNA, Austria - Even if weapons of mass destruction are never found in Iraq, the U.S.-led war was justified because it eliminated the threat that Saddam Hussein might again resort to "evil chemistry and evil biology," Attorney General John Ashcroft said Monday.Saddam's willingness to use such weapons ...
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Resolver

Resolver

6

Jan

2014

As I've discussed before in this space, I am not one for New Year's resolutions.  They are, like most last-minute life-changing decisions, made in haste and repented in leisure.  They generally set their sights unrealistically high, which is an easy and delicious recipe for chicken-fried failure, or they're so easily atta ...
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Mr. Genius Fists

Mr. Genius Fists

4

Jan

2014

It is only recently I've been able to talk about this. While I have nothing but good things to say about the people at the MacArthur Foundation -- who were not only forward-looking enough to choose me for their prestigious Fellowship, but also possessed of enough integrity to stand by their choice throughout the hailstorm o ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: Her

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>Her</i>

2

Jan

2014

Even if you'd never heard of him before, you'd know from seeing Spike Jonze's latest, Her, that he isn't a first-time director.  Visually speaking, it's powerfully effective, verging on masterful; he manages to set up almost every shot, even relatively inconsequential place-setting ones, in the most precise manner to deli ...
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