Pay No Attention to the Man Beneath the Turban

You are curious! There is no other reason that you are reading this; an inquisitiveness of the mind and spirit has brought you here. And you are blessed! For curiosity is a wonderful thing. Not too much curiousity, of course. One should always recognize the limits of curiosity. As the proverb has it, that’s what killed the cat! But there will be no killing in the enlightened world when all have embraced the peaceful teachings of Maburaha Ji Hijan. What is the nature of your curiosity, friend? Do you wonder why there is evil in the world? Are you curious as to the meaning of life, or the fleeting nature of love? Or are you simply attracted by colorful, elaborately drawn elephants, such as the one featured on the cover of this elaborate brochure? Whatever the case, you will soon find the answers you seek. In fact, since you’re already on the path to wisdom, you can go ahead and give up on the curiosity. Like the eggshell after the hatching of the chick, it has fulfilled its important purpose and should now be discarded.

Your soul is hungry for wisdom! This is as it should be. Everything that lives hungers, for hunger is desire and desire is the natural state of mankind. And you are blessed! For hunger, too, is a wonderful thing. When we are well-fed and sated, we are weighed down to this earth, when we should be wandering among the stars. This is the great sacrifice Maburaha Ji Hijan has made for you: he burdens his human frame with base food and drink, so that he may anchor his powerful spirit to the world and bestow on those who are not yet as enlightened as he the great pathways of wisdom. As for you, gentle seeker, you have already learned, before you have spent a single day in the glorious freedom of Kamp Akasic, a most valuable lesson — perhaps the most valuable lesson: hunger propels the soul forward on lightened wings, while sustenance holds it down. Stay hungry; it is a boon, and certainly nothing to complain about.

There is a great wanting in your spirit! And a great wanting can only be fulfilled through great effort. But what is the nature of effort? It is a striving, a constant struggle towards a goal. And at times it seems that this goal may never be fulfilled, especially when one is performing what may be seen as menial tasks, like the maintenance of soy fields or the making of replica brand-name women’s handbags. But as Maburaha Ji Hijan teaches, the path to enlightenment is through simplicity. Therefore, you are blessed! For the simplest work brings us ever-closer to the God-spirit within us all, while more complex work, such as the counting of money, the making of payroll and the tending of financial interests should be left either to unenlightened outsiders in our employ or people like the Perfect Master’s assistant, Kuji Shamaratha “Knuckles” O’Herlihy, who has become so incredibly enlightened that he is able to do complicated tasks without it corrupting his absolutely simple rectitude. Be like the spider and the bee: dig where you are told to dig and move what you are told to move, and you will be happy like those uncomplicated creatures.

It is difficult to rid yourself of desire! For desire is with us all the days of our lives. Like a vulture it haunts us, trailing lazily through our personal sky, and waiting for us to leave our mortal frame so it may slowly devour it. Those who come to study at the feet, the hands, the head and heart, and the non-insubstantial other parts of the body of the Perfect Master Maburaha Ji Hijan often find themselves unable to shed the scavenger wings of deadly desire. But once again, you are blessed! For Maburaha Ji Hijan, being a Perfect Master, has well and truly conquered desire. Therefore, all you need do — be you a beautiful, nubile young woman, or a sleek, rippled young man — is to approach him, and he will selflessly give of himself, using the things he has learned through arduous years of study, meditation and arcane Eastern techniques, to drain away your desire, ridding you of it completely and leaving both yourself and the Perfect Master extremely satisfied. This is not a sin! Ridding yourself of desire, especially in the ways prescribed by the program, is a beautiful and worthwhile thing. Remember: you cannot slay a vulture by choking a chicken.

Sometimes you don’t know what to do next! The world is filled with choices, some good, most bad. Even a colorful, glossy pamphlet filled with eternal wisdom like this one doesn’t have all the answers. You are a beautiful and free creature, a child of the God-spirit, and what you do next is up to you. You can wallow eternally in the hellish, self-defeating shame spiral of this worldly life, or you can follow one of the helpful, orange-clad Agents of Enlightenment out to our waiting Chevy AstroVan and take the first step towards perfection. The choice is yours. Kamp Akasic and Maburaha Ji Hijan are waiting for you; you need only the courage of your convictions, a certified cashier’s check, and the desire to become a better person — the only desire worth having. If you have those three things, most particularly the second one, then truly: we are all blessed.

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