Taxing, Very Taxing

Taxing, Very Taxing

31

Mar

2014

Do You Have To File?Of course you have to file. What, do you think you're special or something? With your fancy lawyers, or your inability to speak English? You think that means you don't have to pay taxes? Well, surprise, surprise, Mr. I Think I'm Exempt From Government Regulations: you have to file. See w ...
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Styles is Wild, Bizarre, Bizarro

Styles is Wild, Bizarre, Bizarro

29

Mar

2014

Hello, nerds!  Welcome to Seattle.  In honor of your arrival in my town, and in lieu of the original content I had oped to present to you on sunday at ECCC, I present to you "Taking Acid and Talking About Superman With a House Full of Thalidomide Castoffs", or "Jimmy Olsen's Kookie Scoops" from Adventure Comics #287, Aug ...
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Between Impression and Expression: Robert Musil

Between Impression and Expression:  Robert Musil

27

Mar

2014

In earlier times, one had an easier conscience about being a person than one does today. People were like cornstalks in a field, probably more violently tossed back and forth by God, hail, fire, pestilence, and war than they are today; but as a whole -- as a city, a region, a field, and as to what personal movement was left ...
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Runnin’ with the Devil

Runnin’ with the Devil

25

Mar

2014

It was Eddie Wolz who first come to me with the idea. He says his brother Chick has this guy needs a favor. A long time ago, before Chick Wooley was on the cover of Look, this guy done him a favor, sort of helped him get over in the song-plugging business, and now the guy is having some labor problems, so he wants to know i ...
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More Fun Than Previous Projections Indicated

More Fun Than Previous Projections Indicated

23

Mar

2014

To: Dr. Carl Wynand <cwynand@sci.duke.edu>From: Dr. Alyssa Stark-Palatine <astark_p@sci.duke.edu>Subject: Progress on Project Bedtime Carl --I appreciate the time and effort you put into Project Bedtime. And I know it's a prestige project; it's already a big name in the journals, and there's a lot of Hollywood ...
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Most Toys Wins

Most Toys Wins

21

Mar

2014

"Hey!""What? I can't hear you.""HEY!""I can't hear you from up here. Let me come down there.""You can't park that thing here.""What's that, friend?""You can't -- what is that thing? You can't park that here.""I thought this was a parking lot.""It is, but...""Well, a parking lot is for parking, buddy.""It is, but...""Then I ...
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So You’ve Decided To Invade Earth

So You’ve Decided To Invade Earth

19

Mar

2014

The first-time visitor will, first of all, want to blend in, and second of all, amass a large personal fortune under the local economic system. This allows the advance scout to make preparations for the invasion in privacy and solitude. Don't be taken in by counterproductive rhetoric: money does matter. It buys you a place ...
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DIALOGORRHEA

DIALOGORRHEA

17

Mar

2014

“Greeting.”“Counter-greeting, establishment of identity of Speaker #1.”“Polite inquiry establishing identity of Speaker #2?”“Confirming statement. Expansion on answer to place setting and time.”“Response to set up reader expectations; deliberate invocation of mise-en-scene.”“Affirmation. Background inf ...
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Helping Those Who Will Not Help Themselves

Helping Those Who Will Not Help Themselves

15

Mar

2014

Hello, I'm Gary Owens. You may remember me as the voice of beloved cartoon superhero Space Ghost, or from my many appearances on television's Laugh-In. But what I'd like to talk to you about tonight is no laughing matter.It's Labor Day Weekend, and as I do every year at this time, I'm hosting the MAA Labor Day Telethon. Wha ...
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Cues for Critics

Cues for Critics

13

Mar

2014

I've never particularly cared for those ubiquitous lists of "Rules for Writers".  (If I did, I'd probably present this one as more or less definitive.)  Luckily for me, I am not much of a writer, and no one is sniffing around this site in hopes of getting a hot tip for dethroning Big Steve King.  I do, however, live on t ...
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Inspiration Disinformation

Inspiration Disinformation

11

Mar

2014

Joy:  Still got your seaman's papers?Lllewyn:  Yeah.  Why?Joy:  If the music's not...Llewyn:  What, quit?  Merchant marine again?  Just...exist?Joy:  'Exist'?  That's what we do outside of show business?  It's not so bad, existing ...
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Playing To Your Strengths

Playing To Your Strengths

9

Mar

2014

"Taylor.""Chief, I know. It's just that...""Taylor. Don't talk. Listen.""All right.""What is the press going to say?""...""You can talk now.""The press will say what we tell them to say.""They're not going to buy this, Taylor.""You always said that journalists were dumb, chief.""They may be dumb, but they aren't stupid.""I' ...
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Spray It, Don’t Say It

Spray It, Don’t Say It

7

Mar

2014

To the voters of the great state of Montana,I, Horace Nettleton, campaign manager for the Great Azkar, have been ordered to issue this statement to you in hopes of clarifying certain issues which have recently come to the public attention. It is to be hoped that when each of you go to the voting booths on this November to e ...
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The Body Apolitic

The Body Apolitic

5

Mar

2014

The question came over a week ago, from one of my oldest friends:  why don't you write about politics anymore?At first, it struck me as an absurd thing to ask:  don't I write about politics all the damn time?  Didn't I write for one of the internet's spunkiest lefty blogs?  Didn't I once cram my body full of dangerous d ...
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Let Justice Be Dumb

Let Justice Be Dumb

3

Mar

2014

Life takes you in strange directions, it cannot be denied.  I myself used to be a liberal, and a communist before that, in the days when it seemed worthwhile to care about things.  But I am an old man now, and it profits me neither in mind or spirit to keep up with what the young folks are interested in fighting over.  F ...
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