The Name is Joakes…Richard Joakes

“Thanks for coming in to see us today, Rich.”



“I go by Dick.”

“Oh! Ha ha. Okay, sorry, Dick. That’s one of the reasons we call people in…the preliminary screenings don’t really tell us anything. We kind of want to get to know the real you. So, you know, we’ll go over your resume, here, and you can just walk us through it as we go.”

“Sounds great.”

“Okay. Excellent. Now, it looks like you’ve been in the sporting goods industry for a while.”

“That’s right. I used to be at Dick’s — no relation, ha ha.”

“Uh, ha, right, of course.”

“But currently, I’m the junior vice-president in charge of new product development for Head.”

“Oh, that’s great! Good firm. I use some of their rackets myself. But you’re looking to move on, right?”

“Yes, sir. It’s a pretty staid company and it’s hard to move up once you get settled in. I made a lot more progress at my previous job.”

“Which was…?”

“Heckler & Koch.”

“Heckler and…”

“Koch. It’s German. Firearms manufacturer. Handguns, mostly. I was the vice-president of their American division.”

“Oh…okay. But you started out in publishing, didn’t you?”

“No, sir. Electronics, actually.”

“Electronics? But I thought your resume said you’d worked for Hill and Wang.”

“That’s right, sir. I was a junior executive in their marketing department. But before that, I was with the inside sales department at Wang. Computers, you know. Word processors. Back in the old days, ha ha.”

“Uh huh.”

“People often get those two confused.”

“I see. And, er, then I have here that your first job was working for, um. For Johnson & Johnson. Sales job.”

“Actually, I got my start doing commission work for Slim Jim. But that was only part time. Pretty much all the guys did it…you know, growing up in Wisconsin, sausage was a big thing.  It was a real sausage party.”

“Ahem. And that’s it.”

“Yes, sir. Except for my first job in high school.”

“Which was…?”

“Hot Dog on a Stick.”

Pfffftcch heh heh AHEM.”

“Are you all right, sir?”

“Uh, um. Yes. Sorry. Something caught in my, in my throat.”

“Did you have any other questions?”

“You know, Rich…”


“Sorry. Dick. I sure do thank you for coming in today, and we’ll, er, we’ll give you a call if anything opens. Opens up.”

“Are…so I don’t get the job?”

“It’s just, well, we don’t know if we have anything that suits your excellent qualifications.”

“I thought I was doing really well.”

“I’ll be honest with you. I just don’t know if you’re Hooters material.”


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