I’m On a Submarine Mission for You, Baby

COLE:  This is fucking boring.

MAYHEW:  Shut up, Cole, you little bitch.

STRAITHAIRN:   Man, why you have to be like that?  We’re on duty.  Show some respect.

COLE:  I’m serious, you guys, plus my belt is all grungy or something.

MAYHEW:  It’s nothing personal, Straithairn.

COLE:  I mean, it’s like, got crud on it, or whatever.  How does this happen?  This crud?  On my belt?

STRAITHAIRN:  What do you mean it’s not personal?  You called him a little bitch.  How is that not personal?

COLE:  We should shoot a torpedo at something.

MAYHEW:  Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you, homo.

COLE:  Like a battleship.  We could totally sink a battleship with a torpedo.  Like, like, C-4!  Bla-dow!

STRAITHAIRN:  Okay, ‘homo’ is definitely personal.

MAYHEW:  Your belt is probably cruddy because you, uh, keep it up your ass, or something.  Homo.

COLE:  Man, I’m off my belt.  Forget the belt.  The belt is from a year ago.  I’m on to blowing up some destroyers with a torpedo now.

STRAITHAIRN:  Is that a characteristic of gays, Mayhew?  That they keep belts up their asses?  Also, explain how his wanting to shoot a torpedo makes him a homo.  I know it’s supposed to be innuendo but it doesn’t actually make any sense.

MAYHEW:  What is he, your boyfriend?

COLE:  Hey, captain!  Can you hear me?  Is this radio on?  Is it even a radio?  There’s too many buttons.

STRAITHAIRN:  Use the telephone.

CAPTAIN:  Fucking don’t bother me, Mayhew, I’m trying to get the Braves game on our dish.

MAYHEW:  All I’m saying is, he wants to, you know.  Shoot.  A torpedo.  Like, up something.  Like up the butt.

COLE:  We have a dish?

STRAITHAIRN:  So, undersea munitions technology was part of the gay conspiracy since day one.

CAPTAIN:  I assume we have a dish.  I mean, we have to, right?  This sub cost, like, a billion dollars.

MAYHEW:  You said it, dude, not me.


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