Gentlemen’s Agreement

Let us say, just for the sake of argumentation, that you find yourself on the editorial staff of a large national men’s fashion or entertainment magazine.  This is nothing to be ashamed of; certainly, it is humiliating and embarrassing, but we all must make a living.  Should you wake up one day in this position, you must handle the situation with grace and good humor, as you might an embarrassing disease like hyperhidrosis or genital warts.  However, be warned that you will be required, at some point, to feature on the cover an entertainer of modest renown.  You must do many things to keep your job:  have him photographed in a flattering light wearing an expensive suit that looks as if he slept in it; take him to lunch at a restaurant with a one-word name that has only been open for seven months or less; and, most importantly, construct a cover headline that will tell the reader that he has a vague but strangely insistent attitude towards his current fame and fortune.

This can be very difficult, but we are here to help.  Simply ask the nerd who fixes your computer when it does that one thing with the VPN for some “percentile dice” and consult the following table.  The headline will be “EMILE HIRSCH/BRENDON URIE/MILO VENTIMIGLIA IS _________”.

01  HERE TO STAY

02  BUSTING LOOSE

03  PLAYING BY HIS OWN RULES

04  MAKING IT BIG

05  IN HIS ELEMENT

06  TAKING IT EASY

07  RIGHT ON TIME

08  THE LAST MAN STANDING

09  HERE FOR YOU

10  PLAYING IT COOL

11  NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS

12  CLOSE TO THE EDGE

13  SINGING A DIFFERENT TUNE

14  IN IT TO WIN IT

15  THROUGH FOLLOWING ORDERS

16  UP FOR GRABS

17  PLAYING THROUGH THE PAIN

19  COVERING HIS BASES

20  LOOKING GOOD

21  GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS

22  PLAYING FOR KEEPS

23  SHAKING THINGS UP

24  ON A ROLL

25  MAKING A COMEBACK

26  LEAVING HIS MARK

27  TAKING HIS SHOT

28  GOING ROGUE

29  OUT OF BOUNDS

30  KICKING THE HABIT

31  FINDING HIS HAPPY PLACE

32  ON THE MARKET

33  OFF THE MARKET

34  OFF THE RESERVATION

36  LIVING THE HIGH LIFE

37  LIVING THE GOOD LIFE

38  LIVING THE LIFE

39  COMING HOME

40  TAKING CHARGE

41  OUT OF PATIENCE

42  WITHOUT LIMITS

43  BIGGER THAN LIFE

44  BREAKING OUT

45  EVERYWHERE HE WANTS TO BE

46  TAKING A STAND

47  TRAVELING FIRST CLASS

48  WORKING HARD

49  BLOWING UP

50  GETTING THE WORD OUT

51  SINGING THE BLUES

52  GOING FOR IT

53  SHEDDING HIS SKIN

54  OUT OF TIME

55  IN CONTROL

56  MAKING HIS MOVE

57  PASSING THE TORCH

58  REAPING THE REWARDS

59  STAYING IN HIS LANE

60  SHOWING YOU HOW IT’S DONE

61  LEADING BY EXAMPLE

62  A MAN WHOSE TIME HAS COME

63  THINKING BIG

64  STAYING TWO STEPS AHEAD

65  TESTING THE WATERS

66  NOT BACKING DOWN

67  CROSSING THE LINE

68  READY FOR HIS CLOSE-UP

69  HOLDING STEADY

70  CLIMBING THE LADDER

71  PAYING HIS DUES

72  THE KING OF (BLANK)

73  THROUGH BEING COOL

74  NOT WAITING HIS TURN

75  ROLLING WITH THE PUNCHES

76  GETTING BETTER ALL THE TIME

77  TRUSTING THE PROCESS

78  KEEPING THE FAITH

79  ALL BUSINESS

80  ALL WORK AND NO PLAY

81  THE REAL THING

82  THE GENUINE ARTICLE

83  THE TRUTH

84  A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS

85  GOING WILD

86  GROWING UP

87  LEARNING HIS LESSON

88  KEEPING A PROMISE

89  SHOWING YOU HOW IT’S DONE

90  WALKING THE LINE

91  HAVING IT ALL

92  PLAYING YOUR SONG

93  WORKING AN ANGLE

94  SETTING THE PACE

95  A MAN ON A MISSION

96  THE LAST ACTION HERO

97  OLD SCHOOL

98  PUTTING HIS BEST FOOT FORWARD

99  SPEAKING HIS MIND

100  BREAKING THE CODE

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