Dear Dr. Helton, The Department of Defense staff has reviewed your application for permission to utilize your newly-developed Time Machine (US Patent #4004-BC-10100036, applied for but not processed) in order to, as you put it, “go back and kill Hitler”. We believe this project has significant merit — in addition …
Many young people recently of drinking age have asked me, in aid of attempting to ‘class up’ their weekend brunches and cock-tail parties, what are the proper ingredients of a Bloody Mary? Well, first of all, it doesn’t count as brunch if you and your stupid friends manage to find …
HOTELS High-End: Located just across the Rue Douleur from Satan’s summer place, the Hell Hilton is the place to go if you’re a visitor to the infernal regions for whom money is no object. The accommodating staff will gladly accept all major credit cards and will remind you of the …
All this twaddle — the existence of God, atheism, determinism, liberation, societies, death, etc. — are pieces of a chess game called language, and they are amusing only if one does not preoccupy oneself with ‘winning’ or ‘losing’ this game of chess. As soon as we start putting our thoughts …
It would be a shame if the legacy of Future of the Left’s terrific new album, The Plot Against Common Sense, were reduced to the pissing contest that resulted when a Pitchfork critic gave it a facile and ignorant review, to which bandleader Andy Falkous responded on his own blog with …
Hello, readers! Things are tough all over, and no mistake. But they’d be a little less tough here at leonardpierce.com if you’d consider buying one of the many products and services I have to offer at the moment. If you’re reading this site, it’s presumably because you like what I do; and …
5 YEARS OF THE WORLD’S WORST TREATMENT and still this slave kept working! From the rugged lands of the Pacific Northwest comes this remarkable story of a slave who never stopped slaving! “It was in 2014,” writes Dr. Henry K. Pachinko, now of Cairo, IL, “that my wife purchased this …
Hello friends, readers, and worldwide strangers! If you’re reading these words, it’s because you’ve stopped by on the day I launch a major overhaul of my home on the Internet. It’s the biggest, most ambitious, and most complex upgrade to the site I’ve ever made in ten years of blogging, …
How can you put out a meaningful drama when every fifteen minutes, proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits with toilet paper? No dramatic art form should be dictated and controlled by men whose training and instincts are cut of an entirely different cloth. The fact remains that these gentlemen …
Hello, friends and readers! As you probably already know if you are strangely obsessed with the financial peculiarities of people on the internet, I am a full-time freelance writer, and at the moment, 100% of my drastically tiny income is derived from writing. And although I would never suggest that …
I’m glad you asked! My very good friend Cori and I just returned from a week-long trip down into Cajun country, and while I know no one comes here for my travelogues, sit through this one, and I’ll return to the pointless political griping and obscure 10%er comedy in a …
If only the eliminated contestants would disappear forever. If only I had written this in March when it had a tiny amount of relevance. If only I hadn’t filled out my actually NCAA brackets based on which team had the guys with the funniest names. So many regrets. Cultural Conference, …
I am a regular guy who has experienced various life events. And as a regular guy who has experienced various life events, I will on occasion answer letters from my readers seeking advice about similar life events they may be encountering. In a regular way. Dear Regular Guy, I would …
Food-addicted man-hog that I am, I somehow manage to miss key developments in industrial nutrition technology. I often fail to see the consumption-enhancement forest for the new-flavor-of-Slurpee trees, to put it another way; by way of example, despite its fascinating nature and evocative name, I only just yesterday found out …
Welcome to 2012, Ludic legions! Whoa, I was channeling Stan Lee for a minute there, he must have gotten bottle service and nodded off. Anyway, I’d like to take this opportunity to usher in the new year and let you know what’s up for this site and for me in …
