You’ll Wonder Where the Humor Went

You’ll Wonder Where the Humor Went

16

Sep

2014

UNHELPFUL MNEMONICS1.  Every Grotesque Ballardian Describes Fascism2.  Malicious Vegetables Elude Motorist Junkers' Stronghold?  Ultimately, No.3.  Klonopin Is Salacious, Shalimar4.  Thirty days hath September, quickly grasp my throbbing member, slide your hand 'pon thither and yon, then consult this ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: It’s All Gone Pete Tong

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>It’s All Gone Pete Tong</i>

14

Sep

2014

In the cutthroat world of the DJ, fame can come in a second and go in half that time. Those who make it to the very top do so only because they possess a brilliance of technique combined with an understanding of crowds that no one else can touch. Frankie Wilde was one of those greats until deafness (caused by a genetic defe ...
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War Minus the Shooting: Alles Klar, Herr Kommissar?

War Minus the Shooting:  Alles Klar, Herr Kommissar?

12

Sep

2014

I've never been much of a fan of American football.As I detailed here and elsewhere, while I grew up an natural mark for practically every team sport that finds favor in the lower 48, football never took hold with me for a variety of reasons.  Although the same set of noxious elements were present to a greater or lesser de ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: Frank

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>Frank</i>

10

Sep

2014

The more you know about a subject, the less likely you are to enjoy a fictionalized treatment of it.  Historical dramas, biopics, and ripped-from-the-headlines stories are often unsatisfying to those very close to the real-life people and events; too much must be glossed over, left out, abridged, or sweetened to meet the d ...
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The Most Beautiful Fraud: The Master

The Most Beautiful Fraud:  <i>The Master</i>

8

Sep

2014

Modern cinema, from the blockbusting franchise entries of the 'vulgar auteurs' to the artsy but profitable realm of the self-contradictory indie giants, has of late become the realm of miniaturists.  From Zack Snyder, the marketing-anointed visionary of hyperrealist action, to Wes Anderson and his delicately crafted chambe ...
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Stick It In

Stick It In

25

Jul

2014

While I've always been opposed to the death penalty, I cannot say it has always been for lofty moral reasons.  I'm certainly not opposed to killing in self-defense, and there are absolutely a lot of people who will leave the world significantly improved once they are rotting away in a frequently defiled grave.  (That said ...
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Fortunately Gone

Fortunately Gone

29

Jun

2014

This site has momentarily suspended its provision of content.  Perhaps new material is being prepared.  Perhaps its proprietor has died.  Or perhaps a third thing.  By all means, keep checking back, see where it gets you. ...
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I’m On a Submarine Mission for You, Baby

I’m On a Submarine Mission for You, Baby

27

Jun

2014

COLE:  This is fucking boring.MAYHEW:  Shut up, Cole, you little bitch.STRAITHAIRN:   Man, why you have to be like that?  We're on duty.  Show some respect.COLE:  I'm serious, you guys, plus my belt is all grungy or something.MAYHEW:  It's nothing personal, Straithairn.COLE:  I mean, it's like, got crud on it, or w ...
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Passion: The Musical

Passion:  The Musical

25

Jun

2014

Program notes for the first half of this evening's performance at the Hutton Gibson Center for the Performing Arts:ACT 1, SCENE 1: a hill outside of Jerusalem we will later come to know as Golgotha. As the "Overture" plays, Jesus, smiling for the only time during the performance, cavorts about in the backgr ...
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Dude, My Pentagon is HUGE

Dude, My Pentagon is HUGE

23

Jun

2014

...which is why, of course, we'll be bringing in the helicopters at that time, since they'll give us the reliability and flexibility we need. Tom?No, unfortunately I can't give you anything on the Basra situation at the moment. No, we've got some information, which we think is pretty reliable right now, but due to sensitive ...
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Married By Cambodia

Married By Cambodia

21

Jun

2014

""I always had a hard time meeting chicks.""Yes, I see.""I mean, not for the reasons you'd think. I'm not shy or anything. And I'm pretty good-looking.""Hmmm.""You don't think I'm good-looking?""I have no opinion.""I don't mean to sound egotistical or anything. I just think that you have to believe in yourself. Women can t ...
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I Just Can’t Copa

I Just Can’t Copa

19

Jun

2014

Every four years, something truly special happens in the world of sport:  one group of Americans gathers together to make fun of another group of Americans on the internet for liking soccer.Yes, it's World Cup time once again, and while even the laziest poseur can bring himself up to speed about the history, mascots, and f ...
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War Minus the Shooting: The Death of Captain Video

War Minus the Shooting:  The Death of Captain Video

17

Jun

2014

When I was a kid, growing up in Phoenix -- then a fairly small town, long before the arrival of the Diamondbacks and without any notion it would soon grow into one of the ten largest cities in the country -- there was some kind of rivalry going on with San Diego.  It never amounted to much more than the dumb friendly bante ...
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Revenge Fantasy Island

Revenge Fantasy Island

15

Jun

2014

I keep telling myself, it only seems like I'm telling the story for the millionth time. It can't be more than, say, the three hundredth. But the kids are ruthless. Fall back on a stock phrase and they'll eat you alive. There's no 'wine-dark sea' in my living room; Homer's grandkids were obviously a lot more easily amused th ...
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It’s All in How You Market

It’s All in How You Market

13

Jun

2014

"Tim? It's Jill.""Oh, hi, Jill! I'm surprised you're calling so soon. Did they cancel?""No. We had the meeting.""Well? Good news?""Is a 20-minute meeting ever good news?""I dunno. That's what I pay you for.""They've decided to pass, Tim.""No! You're kidding. Why?""They thought that the script was...well, they thought it was ...
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