Christmas Telephone Call from a Worker North of Reykjavik

“Hello?” “Merry Christmas, mom!” “Robert! Oh, thank you, son! I didn’t think you’d have time to call me today.” “No, it’s cool. I’m on my break. Even up here, we get OSHA.” “So you’re still working for that man.” “Yes, mom.” “You haven’t thought about going back to school.” “To …

Everyone’s a Critic, II

In 2013, the ‘death of the critic’ bell that has been sounding since the birth of the internet finally reached a fevered, Chuck-Berry-style ding-a-ling.  Film critics were especially hard-hit by algorithms, aggregators, and amateurism, the so-called “Five As” referred to by badly educated but enthusiastic bloggers.  Stripped of the need …

Last Post About Satan

ED “SCUPPER” HELMOND, VICE-PRESIDENT, BAKERSFIELD CHAPTER, SATAN’S SERVANTS M.C.: “Well, I’ll be honest with you, man.  We didn’t used to be called Satan’s Servants. Before this, we were the Rough Riders, and before that, back in ’49 when the club was first founded, we were actually called the Rosedale Rollin’ …

100 Guns from Now

1.  The Maltese Falcon (Warner Bros., October 3, 1941; John Huston, dir.) 2.  This Gun for Hire (Paramount, May 13, 1942; Frank Tuttle, dir.) 3.  Double Indemnity (Paramount, September 6, 1944; Billy Wilder, dir.) 4.  Laura (20th Century FOX, October 11, 1944; Otto Preminger, dir.) 5.  Murder, My Sweet (RKO Radio …

Tiki Talk

It’s not such a bad life, being a tiki god outside the Tahiti-Fa’aa International Airport in Papeete. Nobody really worships me anymore, but the hepcat money just rolls in. And I get to watch the planes come in. I wonder who’s president in America now. It’s probably not still that …