Dearest Ranjit, Greetings from America! How are you? How is your family? How is your uncle Jayanta? You should really speak to him about seeing a physician, as I am told that the gout can develop into something rather serious and unpleasant. Do you remember how poorly it turned out …
Scarlett Johansson is, and I mean to do her no disservice by saying so, more a movie star than an actress. She is one of those rare individuals in Hollywood who has attained a status so iconic that whether or not she actually delivers a good performance or a bad …
“Hey, Arzbyx, what’s up?” “Please address me as Overlord Arzbyx the Supervisor, flesh thing, or I shall have you reduced to component chemicals and utilized as cleaning solution.” “Hey, lighten up, boss man. It’s Friday afternoon!” “This necrotizer cannon is not going to build itself, Unit 46031-H.” “So, you going to …
I got out of the business back in ’89, right before the bottom fell out. Nowadays there’s not much room for competition. It’s just like any business: once it gets going, and the big boys see that there’s money to be made, they start buying up the smaller competitors, and …
Open on the set of a gay porno film. We see some hot action as the star, a mustachioed young fellow with a gold chain around his neck, throws it to a willowy blond stud. He reaches a climax and the director cuts the action, giving the two a chance …
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not bitter. A lot of people, they think I’m bitter, because of what happened. But I’m not. I’m not the kind of guy to be bitter. I had a good run. It’s not like I ain’t thankful for what I got. Believe me, I am. …
“Well, how’d you know it was Him, Jimmy, is my question.” “I just knowed it.” “Now, how’d you ‘just knowed’ somethin’ like that? You don’t ‘just know’ that somebody’s the Lord Jesus Christ returned to Earth.” “Some things you just know, Clint. Like, instinctually.” “What’d He look like?” “About what …
Wil Wheaton’s career has described a curious arc around the atmosphere of pop culture. He came to fame starring as Wesley Crusher in Star Trek: The Next Generation, a teenage prodigy and transparent Mary Sue figure; though nerd culture was still a fringe activity and not the dominant force that it …
Do You Have To File? Of course you have to file. What, do you think you’re special or something? With your fancy lawyers, or your inability to speak English? You think that means you don’t have to pay taxes? Well, surprise, surprise, Mr. I Think I’m Exempt From Government Regulations: …
Hello, nerds! Welcome to Seattle. In honor of your arrival in my town, and in lieu of the original content I had oped to present to you on sunday at ECCC, I present to you “Taking Acid and Talking About Superman With a House Full of Thalidomide Castoffs”, or “Jimmy Olsen’s …
In earlier times, one had an easier conscience about being a person than one does today. People were like cornstalks in a field, probably more violently tossed back and forth by God, hail, fire, pestilence, and war than they are today; but as a whole — as a city, a …
It was Eddie Wolz who first come to me with the idea. He says his brother Chick has this guy needs a favor. A long time ago, before Chick Wooley was on the cover of Look, this guy done him a favor, sort of helped him get over in the …
“Hey!” “What? I can’t hear you.” “HEY!” “I can’t hear you from up here. Let me come down there.” “You can’t park that thing here.” “What’s that, friend?” “You can’t — what is that thing? You can’t park that here.” “I thought this was a parking lot.” “It is, but…” …
The first-time visitor will, first of all, want to blend in, and second of all, amass a large personal fortune under the local economic system. This allows the advance scout to make preparations for the invasion in privacy and solitude. Don’t be taken in by counterproductive rhetoric: money does matter. …
“Greeting.” “Counter-greeting, establishment of identity of Speaker #1.” “Polite inquiry establishing identity of Speaker #2?” “Confirming statement. Expansion on answer to place setting and time.” “Response to set up reader expectations; deliberate invocation of mise-en-scene.” “Affirmation. Background information providing exposition.” “Counter-reference expanding on previously stated expository material.” “Vague invocation of …
