Yes, I am trying to be funny.
From the 2014 edition of my book series, Frontage Road U.S.A.: Adventures Just Off the Superhighway, I am pleased to present the chapter entitled “Oddest-Named Cities in America”. Special thanks to Jug-o’-Shine Publishing for permission to excerpt this material. Nipples, FL. Originally planned as a cultural and intellectual haven in the …
Dear Ben, The news is nothing but good! Finally got a tenure-track gig, and at a school on the east coast, too! Miskatonic — ever heard of it? Their sciences departments are supposed to be top-rate, but I don’t know a lot about their liberal arts school. Ah well; a …
Conrad Z. Wright The Elite Hotel for Transients 1258 W. Clark Street, Suite # 2nd Floor on Your Right with “WHORS” Carved Into the Door Chicago, IL 60657 (773) 288 4904 when not in use by another resident I have an e-mail address but I don’t know how to work …
Ah, summer in Europe! My favorite season by far — so much better than the forbidding winters, when even the finest Panzer captains and alpini find the hiking rather rough going. For a curious American traveler like myself, there’s no better time than sunny summer to discover the little delights …
“So! Yu-dan! You have the guts to show your face around here!” “Yes, Li Bai. I have done much thinking.” “And what have you decided? To face your shame! To be a man! Or to run away, again, like a coward?” “I feel no shame, Li Bai. I know I …
113th Congress, 2nd Session H.R. 7162 IN THE SENATE OF THE UNITED STATES — June 4, 2013 AN ACT To deter and punish acts of comedic violence in the United States and around the world, and to further control and prevent the occurence of slapstick-related deaths and injuries by means …
Shot: Dark room. Cast, standing with arms crossed, moving pan. Stern expressions as they look up at the camera. Menacing tone plays on soundtrack. ANNOUNCER’S V.O.: NYPD Blue did it for the police department. Shot: Conference table. Jim throws his pen angrily across a legal pad. He glares at a stern-looking agent …
“You’re in the soup now, missy.” “Yeah.” “You’re well and truly sorted out, me girl.” “Sorted out.” “You’re in for a long old night of it.” “A long night.” “Thank you, Miller, no need for the Greek chorus.” “Sorry, sir.” “Right ho. Now, back to you. You really should have …
Harken, she who is called ‘Sue’! Conan has no need of your foolish tonics and potions. Is this the way of civilization? Are all the men here so weak and womanly that they must anoint their steel with herbs and magics in order to please their women-folk? Bah! A pox …
Oh, you future generations who read these words in admiration or infamy: it is to you I speak, for there is none today I can tell. Pity me, please, and envy too: for I am the most luckless man on this lonely world, and the most blessed. I am no …
“Saint’s Day”: Eric is disappointed when none of his friends will help him celebrate his Saint’s Day. They point out that the whole idea of a Saint’s Day is pretty stupid, and that at any rate, he is not Catholic. He vows to develop an affectation that will make the …
I’d finished my scone and was having a second cup of Turkish coffee when I saw him. The No. 73 Express bus from the University District had come in a few minutes before, and he was peering in one end of the café window, the end nearest the anarchist bookstore, …
Outstanding Monkey Drama Series: Monkey Murder Squad • CBS One Tough Monkey • ABC The Logbook of Sailor Beppo • HBO Philadelphia Organgrinders • FOX President Ape • NBC Outstanding Robot Comedy Series: Class 3 Laughter Inducement Program • FOX Me and HRX4220149-Delta-AM1640-C • Showtime Flesh-Sac Commands Me to Dance …
Hey, folks! Good to see you! And I mean that. Not that I’ve ever seen you before, I just mean that simply that my being able to see you at all is indicative of the fact that I haven’t gone blind. Unless this is some kind of elaborate internal hallucination, …
LIVER The most common of the variety meats is also the easiest target. The mere mention of liver perennially brings a frown to children’s faces, and even among adults with more sophisticated palates it is unjustifiably maligned. The truth is, this vitamin-packed, easy-to-extract organ is easily prepared, affordable, and quite …
