With the dentist DENTIST: Open your mouth, please. Which is the tooth that hurts? LARRY: I’m not sure. I think all of my teeth hurt. DENTIST: Your gums are infected. I am going to prescribe an antibiotic. LARRY: How about some painkillers? DENTIST: No, I do not think such will …
..after a terrific battle; the crudely wrought but formidable Astrotrain, whose galling but self-assured swagger enlightened the boldness of his automated brethren even as it tested the fidelity of his quondam ally Blitzwing, frustrated the more graceful tactics, worried the time-tested drill, and enervated the resolve of the Autobot advance …
Okay, folks, we need to have a little sit-down about some of the rules. God has been noticing a lot of disobedience lately, and He doesn’t want to have to kill a bunch of people again. Hey, Gershon, tell me about it, okay? I lost three cousins in that slaughter. …
Welcome to Fun Camp! By now you’ve been shown to the communal Squee Cabins and been assigned a bed shaped like a race car, rocket ship or cartoon animal, and you’ve probably asked yourself: what am I doing here? You’re here because someone very important in your life — a …
BORN. To Janet Corbett, 31, a convenience store clerk in Puyallup, WA, and Satanachia, 6008, Grand General of the Infernal Spirits, a man-child who shall be named “Enoch”. The father came to the mother on the moon of the sixth day of the sixth month at the sixth hour in …
“Hey, you feel like going down to Martha’s Vineyard for the Memorial Day weekend?” “Sure! Oh, that’ll be nice. A beach trip! And we can see my sister. Do you want me to book a flight tomorrow?” “Nah. We’ll just use the transporter.” “Oh, Henry.” “What?” “I don’t know why …
“Evenin’, Palladius.” “Evenin’, Kevin.” “What can I get for ye this sunny day?” “Wusky, my dear.” “The Jameson, I assume?” “No indeed. Give me the Glenlivet.” “Palladius! You don’t say so.” “I just can’t take it anymore, Kevin. Not another gory day of it. Look at them all, out there …
People always ask me, “Ruth-Melissa, how did you come to operate the largest chain of Christian-themed pizza-pie parlors in the continental United States?” And I mean always! My neighbors ask me, my friends ask me, my less successful relatives ask me, and you’d better believe that paid undercover operatives of …
7:30PM. Covene third editorial board meeting of the Journal of the Tennessee Alternate History Society. 7:32PM. Announcement of snacks available. Possibility of another snack run later in the evening. Inquiries made about lack of Chee-tos; Senior Editor Johnson assures group that only the hot crunchy Chee-tos were available at the …
ANIMALS (FANCY) Charger Impala Mustang Viper ANIMALS (GROSS) Beetle ANIMALS (MYTHOLOGICAL) Equus Taurus CHARACTER TRAITS Civic Clarity Fit Insight iQ Smart Soul Speed FOREIGNY Alpina Aventador Cabriolet Cadenza Camaro Fiesta Fiorano Forte Galibier Gallardo Italia Kizashi Mulsanne Panamera Passat Quattroporte Rapide Verano Virage NAMES THE KIDS IN MARKETING CAME UP …
In 1978, as I applied for film studies at the University of Illinois, my father expressed his disapproval. He quoted me a statistic: “Every year, 50,000 performers compete for 200 available roles on Broadway.” Still, I went against his advice and boarded a flight to the U.S. Since then, my …
PART A — Sentence Completion Complete the sentences below by selecting the choice which best fills in the blanks. Do not guess; guessing may lead to the conjuration of ancient and malevolent demonic creatures. 1. Mrs. Johanssen is an excellent ________ because of the _______ she gives to her students. …
Hello, fellow citizens of Earth! I’m Smarty R-T, and I’m your holographic helper for those of you who have decided to spend your vacation here at my home away from home, the beautiful planet of Canus Lepta VII. On behalf of the Tourist Bureau, welcome, one and all! Now, if …
(from the Irish Times‘ ‘Cruiskeen Lawn’ column) You must keep this strictly under your hat but I received an invitation to be in attendance at 86 St Stephen’s Green last Thursday evening to hear a ‘paper’ on…guess?…’The Function and Scope of Criticism’. It interests me as a scientist that there is …
So sorry. Please accept my apology. When I referred to myself as an “internet dreamboat”, I mean to say “internet steamboat”. The reference was to my weight. I am not the nephew of the Sultan of Krumnail. That is not an actual location, but just a word I made up. …
