I AM DEEPLY HURT BY YOUR CALLING ME A MILK BABY. I AM NOT. BUT I AM A MONSTER. I AM THE “SON OF TWINKLES” I AM A LITTLE “PUSS” WHEN MOTHER TWINKLES GETS DRUNK SHE GETS FRISKY. SHE EATS HER CHILDREN. SOMETIMES SHE PICKS THEM UP BY THE SCRUFF …
“I’m bored.” “You’re…some people would kill for your role!” “I’m sorry I ever took it. It’s a curse. Same thing night after night.” “What are you, Tom Stoppard?” “It’s tedium personified. Why can’t we mix it up a bit, do something different?” “Roger, it’s Hamlet. People have certain expectations.” “I’m …
The old man don’t understand. Most nights I keep quiet enough about it but sometimes he’ll get to talking and I can’t help myself. Like tonight. We was at the dinner table and he talks about how maybe we can trade a few of the good herd for a new …
Troy: I don’t really remember much about Troy, man. It’s all pretty much a blur. Some bad shit went on over there, that’s all I can tell you. We ‘won’. That’s what they tell me, anyway. All I remember is stabbing a lot of people in the jaw, and a …
“Hello, DynoTech Solutions, can I help you?” “Yes, I’m calling about a problem I’m having with my external hard drive.” “Can I put you on hold for just a moment?” “Sure.” ” … ” “Uh…hello?” “Yes, sir?” “Are you there?” “Yes, sir, can I help you?” “Yeah, I was calling …
How many times have YOU tried to lose weight? How many FAD diets have you forced yourself to follow, only to be disappointed AGAIN and AGAIN? How often have you tried to eat right AND exercise, only to find out that it’s really COLD outside? You DESERVE to look good. …
You are curious! There is no other reason that you are reading this; an inquisitiveness of the mind and spirit has brought you here. And you are blessed! For curiosity is a wonderful thing. Not too much curiousity, of course. One should always recognize the limits of curiosity. As the …
It is the most infamous segment of time in American political history. It is the eighteen-and-a-half-minute gap left on the Watergate tapes, the result of an attempted erasure of the material by then-President Richard Nixon himself. For over 40 years, historians, conspiracists, and Nixon’s friends and foes alike have puzzled …
FREAKS, FAGGOTS, DRUNKS & JUNKIES: a musical fantasy based upon the songs of GG Allin Act 1 Flashback: Lancaster, N.H., 1975. A young Kevin Allin is celebrating his 18th birthday and his parents, a pair of well-off New Englanders, present him with a gift he’s dreamed of since his freshman …
Author’s Note: In 2008, just before the presidential elections, I took a trip (funded in part by a group of troublemaking liberals) to CPAC, the Conservative Political Action Conference, in Washington, DC. My goal was to take massive quantities of drugs and write about my experiences in the belly of …
BRAHMA: Come on, guys, let’s get a move on here. I want to get home before the next Maha Yuga. VISHNU: I need a drink. SHIVA: You need six drinks. Maybe then you’ll pass out. V: Eat it. B: Seriously. Let’s just figure this out, it shouldn’t be taking this …
“Stop tormenting me, you ridiculous contraption!” WHAT IS THE MATTER WILLIAM-WORDSWORTH CANT YOU THINK OF ANYTHING “You know deuced well that I cannot concentrate on my art with your infernal chattering.” OH SO ITS MY FAULT IS IT WILLIAM-WORDSWORTH YES THAT MUST BE IT AND NOT AT ALL THAT YOU …
The Bongiorno Jimmy’s story begins all the way back in September of 1991. It was then that six men, their attorneys, a $4,600,000 startup investment, several bank loans, and an IPO scheme decided that there were a lot of institutional-grade convenience dining establishments, but there weren’t enough institutional-grade convenience dining …
First day at the new school or should I say it in capitals, the New School is what they call it. Plenty of other Irishmen here in New York but does it feel like home? Ballocks it does. Only one place will ever be home and it weren’t Paris and …
“Sir?” “What is it, Nixon? I’ve got things to do. This place doesn’t run itself.” “Well, I was wondering…” “And what are you doing in the Palace of Sin? According to my Palm Pilot, you’re supposed to be having your blood replaced by napalm right now, followed by a full-body …
