Gangsta Gangsta
I been in this game for years, it made me a mayor/I wrote me a manual, so listen up, players.
Childe Labor
“Janet, I’m not trying to tell you how to raise your child.” “Oh, really? Because that’s what it sounds like to me.” “I’m only telling you this because I love you. Because I want to help you.” “This is ridiculous.” “You know I’m right. If you would just look at …
Terror Incognito, or, the Haze of War
Let me tell you a little something about myself. Today, I am a fat, out-of-shape, and devoutly unathletic middle-aged man. But once, in my youth, I was a fat, out-of-shape, but modestly athletic teenager; and during that time, I played football (as a nose tackle for my high school team) …
Nobody’s Perfect
In defining the “perfect crime”, there is an interesting debate between criminologists. The most commonly held interpretation is that a so-called perfect crime is one where the perpetrator is never caught – where he gets away with the murder, robbery, or whatever other nefarious deed, and escapes justice entirely. A …
iFruits of Their Labor
WAYS I WISH LIFE WAS MORE LIKE GRAND THEFT AUTO V Medical bills capped at $5,000 regardless of the extent of the injury Impossible to gain weight Commercial radio still features good music, DJs worth listening to Ability to get away with even the worst crimes by hiding in a garage …
Good Morning World (Wide Web)!
If you are like me, you have a normal morning pre-work routine that consists of checking various websites and social media, which prepares you for the day of labor by making you incredibly depressed, angry and/or resentful before you even arrive on the job. So why not monetize it? …
Dying By Inches
POSTED BY: Jess-San <jesse_popoca_401@hotmail.com>, 04:01:23 11/04/2012 [MegaPower User] SUBJECT: An Open Letter to AnimIron I’m not sure how many of you are left to read this note, but one thing I’m sure of: those who remain are those that are true to our mission statement. So it is to you, …
Rules of Games
ADDICTION SOLITAIRE. Can you make all cards match in descending suits before the junk sickness weakens you? A delightful romp through the worlds of both heroin abuse and online card games. BLACKJACK. Play a game of “21” with a slick Las Vegas sharpster. Later, after you lose, sneak up behind …
Stand Your Ground
Kwa-Ra-Neema, they called him. “The Good Chief”. Christ knows what the Comanch called him, in their heathen tongue, but the ones who learnt English said he was the Good Chief. The Good Man. The Friend of the White Man. Most of the folks I knew, the decent folks, called him …
Status Update
Hello there, ell p dot com readers! Your stumblebum author, from whom the site derives its name, is working on a major writing project to which he will be devoting the cheetah’s share of his ‘free’ time to completing, so content will be light for the next few whenevers. The …
White Flight Red and White Flight Blue
Mark Doolittle, local historian: It really all started with the tourist trade. People started showing up from all over the country all wanting to see the “birthplace of Superman”. At first it was just snowbirds, retirees, people passing through on road trips, but word got around and the economy started …
Why Are Jokes?
WHY ARE JOKES, BIT ONE: QUIZ TO DETERMINE WHICH MEMBER OF THE CHRISTIAN HOLY TRINITY YOU ARE, IF YOU ARE ONE 1. My favorite food is: (a) manna (b) figs (c) I don’t eat 2. On the weekend, I like to relax by: (a) smiting the children of Israel with …
The Aged Empire
The first one I lost was a long time ago. To the Yanks, of course, back in ’78. That’s when I lost it, I mean, in 1778. I didn’t have it completely off until ’83, I think, but it was certainly the first. Wait, I tell a lie. Before that …
The Geek in History
One of the plagues of historical thought is what might be termed the arrogance of modernity. From our lofty aerie here, at the crest of the 21st century, we mistake our point on a line for the peak of a graph. As did every generation before us, we assume that …
As Was the Style at the Time
“It seemed bizarre that events so serious would be linked causally with a rarified form of academic talk,” Stanley Fish wrote after receiving a call from a reporter asking if September 11 meant the end of postmodernist relativism. “But in the days that followed, a growing number of commentators played …